Leaving the Comforts of Singledom
image via angela mayhoe
LET’S GET READY TO BUMBLE
That’s me pictured above in a mesh bra with a side pony, rose gold necklace stack and computer glasses.
They call this bra color haze which is the closest thing that I have found to my flesh tone that also carries the integrity of quality, comfort and a splash of a sophisticated dame française. I started wearing mesh wireless bras after an encounter with a “lady who lunch” as I assisted her into a silk sheath dress.
She was casually looking for easy staple pieces to add to her wardrobe and thought a quick jaunt to Chloè on a Tuesday afternoon was the perfect solution to her debacle. Although her bra perfectly accompanied her alabaster skin like a well conducted orchestra, I was inspired that day to completely change my underwear aesthetic. I was currently in a medium heather grey color palette phase that was becoming a bit basic - practical but boring.
It was in that moment, I concluded that this was the reason why the Universe inserted me to into this plush carpeted room, surrounded by high-priced garments and intimately dressing a grown ass woman as if she was toddler while living my life as an over 40 shop girl - to introduce me to mesh flesh tone bras and panties.
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Lately, my typical Friday or Saturday night has me scheduled to randomly take selfie breaks from typing a blog post or pretending to be a graphic designer, insert your preference.
Although an ideal scenario would instead have me strolling through my local bistro where I would acquire my table, consume my usual entree from my waiter that knows my order and periodically sneaks me complementary bites of the nightly specials. This would be my safe space to share stories and nourish relationships with great people in the neighborhood while we talk trash about the other patrons.
Cut back to reality, I have been building my knit brand for the past two years which is now organically morphing into another creative situation, working full-time and more recently creating a new venture (more on that soon), so the idea of getting dressed to go anywhere; date or otherwise, is never the first option on the table.
I have a handful of weaknesses that I acknowledge and being a lazy dater is one of them.
Sometimes I do slide my lazy dating habits under my “strengths” column; having an infinite amount of time to myself with no commitments can be an amazing experience but lately it has gotten out of control. I can admit that I’ve might have taken it a bit too far as I float into the vacuum of singledom with no “reel me back into reality” plan.
This is why I finally made the decision to find a convenient way for me to meet a massive amount of “decent” men with the least effort possible - hello online dating!
The hardest part was simply downloading the app. I was not new to this way of “meeting” people as I had been on a couple of dating apps in the past which lead to a brief relationship and on another occasion convinced me that this wasn’t my jam - so I deleted all the apps and began to spin my single woman cocoon.
However, I did indulge in the opposite sex the old fashioned way by meeting guys IRL and going on dates periodically. As a result, I had a dating situation that lasted for about a year before it fizzled out at the end of 2019.
My intention was to make 2020 my year and start dating again but the cosmos concluded that it would be more appropriate to have a global pandemic instead so here I am - single and lazy with no expectations.
The next monumental step was selecting the pictures that will summarize who I am as a person - representing different aspects of my personality that I believe would attract the perfect male to swipe right. A respectful pic for the main profile page to start; think Michelle Obama’s Vogue cover photo, the fuchsia dress adds a fun pop of color but still reads dignified while the bare toned arms and her posture reminds the viewer of her feminine qualities and vulnerability.
Although, I don’t own a fuchsia dress and my arms are not at the level of the former First Lady, I did grasp the essence of her photo and presented myself in a respectful but approachable manner.
Immediately underneath the profile pic, is the quick blurb about yourself. Being that I’m a multi-faceted human as we all are, I had to rely on my wits to advance me to the next section, so I used my Pinterest description and kept it moving.
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Imperfect perfectionist that loves to travel, knit, drink scotch and occasionally falls asleep during my daily morning meditation.
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I nixed the part about me smoking cigars, which is an occasional vice that seeps in when I need to relax. I thought it was irrelevant to expose all of myself within a two line summarization to persuade someone to swipe right so we could meet up for drinks to see if there’s a magnetic connection so strong that it forces us both to delete the app and began our love story.
The next couple of pictures express my different hair preferences which morphs my appearance from a blonde afro bombshell to a moderately attractive woman who loves the mechanics of quantum physics.
Then there’s the business of clicking the pre-selected hobbies, likes and if I drink socially, frequently or never.
Once all of this was accomplished, the swiping began and to quote Queen Bey, “to the left, to the left” was the common thread in this tedious task of finding someone remotely normal that was worthy to meet up for a drink. This became a disaster so fast that before I matched anyone, my instincts were yelling at me to abort this absurd mission in which I thought I was going to excel and meet the guy of my dreams or at least the one that occasionally crossed my mind.
I don’t feel at liberty to continue to elaborate on the actual meet-ups that happened or the endless “Hi” DM’s that are suppose to be the catalyst for an intellectual conversation. Let’s just say, the app still exists and when there’s nothing to binge on Netflix, I pick up my phone and swipe left until my attempt to prove that I can achieve an average dating status is somewhat accomplished.