Creative Integration
image via angela mayhoe
GROWING AS A CREATIVE
Saying the words, “I am an artist” or “I am a writer” use to be hard for me to accept. They would linger on my subconscious, wafting about like a cool breeze on a blistering day. I would get moments of pure clarity only to be followed by an evaporation of uncertainty - the stifling heat would sit at my feet and rise up to engulf my true knowing. Full integration of our authentic selves can be a challenge - a challenge one needs to accept. It requires you to bundle the knowing, the suppressed and the untruths. I haven’t mastered this completely but I have accepted all of myself and we’re ready to take on the world. My judgemental controlling self that preys on my fearful sensitive self now respects my authentic self and we ALL show up all of the time. We now know our roles and play them accordingly - providing the support needed depending on the situation we’re facing together as a unit.
As a child, I was nurtured with a constant flow of encouragement. My mother was a huge advocate of my creativity and rewarded me with praise for sketching an outfit with my Fashion Plates or writing a 2-line poem. However, my lack of “real-life” examples didn’t allow me the privilege to believe that becoming an artist was on the approved list of professions. Instead, I was imprinted by my peers, community and school counselors as to what success would look like for me and what opportunities where available to a black girl from my side of town. Roaming through a world where lack was prevalent and only having a few empty examples of what you desire was a huge block.
After college, I had to survive and find ways to create a livelihood for myself which meant placing my creative passions on the side or at times high on a shelf while getting lost in the grind of everyday life. A part of me held on to my authentic self and periodically whispered words of encouragement to her. However, going through the motions of your goals but not believing you’re worthy of that goal are two completely different things. Looking back, I was working towards a solid plan that I believed I could never accomplish successfully in the way that I desired.
“Looking back, I was working towards a solid plan that I believed I could never accomplish successfully in the way that I desired.”
Today, I AM a creative! I live out my objective daily by creating handcrafted knitwear, writing and my newly resurfaced talent of fashion illustrations. I can say now with certainty that I know my worth and believe that I will manifest my desires - unwrapping each one like precious presents from the Universe. How did I get to this point one might ask, I unlearned old beliefs and began the process of creating new neural pathways to support my new beliefs. Doing the work of reprogramming is a consistent task that takes radical truth to navigate your way to the other side. This was a daily commitment and I still integrate it in my morning meditations. Unblocking inherited beliefs, standing in your worth and finding examples of those that already possess what you truly want is the recipe for attracting anything you desire. You let go more and flow with the rhythm of the ocean and when the waves hits - you jump up and let them pass you by - release!